Have you ever struggled with the feeling of being torn between two places, the feeling of being destined for greatness, for whatever your definition of success is, and the world in which everyone tells you what you are doing is crazy? Every fiber of your being tells you that life has something awesome in store for you. Like the tides, the feeling is strong on some days and less on others, but it is still there. You go to sleep thinking about it, you dream about it, and when you awake it is the first thing on your mind. You don’t know where this urge comes from, only when you get the feeling of flying every time you think of it. This thought, this idea may have started off as a small whisper, almost brushed off as one of those random thoughts you get throughout the day. But unlike those other thoughts, this one stuck around. Slowly, quietly gathering other thoughts and ideas that match it. Becoming like a snowball rolling down hill. Now the idea is much louder, now not just a whisper, it now yells of possibility. You are filled with so much excitement, you want to run and tell everyone you know about this thought, this idea.
But it just so happens that in your excitement you told a close friend, perhaps a family member of this wonderful idea that you have. Unfortunately, friends and family can be the worst type of emotional backup when it comes to chasing your goals and dreams. Although they may mean well, in most cases, they may do as little as brush you and your idea off as silly talk. They may even try to talk you out of your idea. They may say things like, “I’ve never heard of anyone doing that”, or “It’s going to be tough in the market.” Those remarks are not so bad, besides the conviction you feel about your idea is stronger than any of your friend’s comments.
On the other hand, family is more of a challenge, especially if there is a deep love and respect for your family, but a small to a great deal of resistance to your goals and dreams. There may be the urging of your family to follow in the footsteps of the family name or to give up on your dreams because others in your family have done the same thing and think that is just the way it is. This may also lead to anger towards your goal, because they have failed, they may not want you to succeed. In other cases, it may be a feeling of confusion from the those closest to you, the thought of how and why your “stupid little dream” will succeed.
This is a dilemma, on the one hand, you have your desires and on the other family and friends who may be against your decision. You can try and limit your contact with family, but if they live with you that could be a problem. You love them and naturally don’t want to hurt them, but it doesn’t seem as if they care about your feelings. And to just quit and give up on your dreams would make your family happy, but in the long run you may become miserable and even become resentful towards your family.
With all this being said, it begs the question, what do you do? There a plethora of choices you can make on this subject, some may be good for you and others, a detriment to your relationships. You can take things to the extreme and fight against your friends and family. You can tell them that it is none of their business in the choices you are going to make and the dreams you are pursuing. You can tell them that you don’t care about their opinions, off all contact with them, and go as far as moving out or moving away. That may be what is needed, sometime the complete separation is the correct action to take. Perhaps indeed friends and family were holding you back. Maybe it is like crabs in a bucket, as one fights and struggle to climb out others pull it back down.
Another idea is to just keep your dream to yourself and only reveal it when you have accomplished it. There may still be some ridicule on your decision, but it is after the fact, it is too late for them to try and stop you through the opinions and comments, although, even after the fact, they may still have problems with your goals. But, there may be a chance that they will be impressed and even proud of what you have done.
Yet, another idea is to use love. To explain that you greatly appreciate their opinions and suggestions, but this is the choice that you wish to make. You can encourage them, even if they are against your choice, to understand that this is your decision and you would love it if they were open to your dreams and goals. They may still ridicule you and tell that you are making a mistake, but if you are determined to move forward and see your dreams and goals succeed, the choice is still yours to make.
The Third Place
As stated in the title, there may be a near constant psychological battle between the goal that you are being pulled and driven to achieve and the possible outward objection to that goal by friends and family. But there is another more destructive possible opponent to the fulfillment of your dreams, Your own mind and its thoughts. Many dreams have fallen away due to the negative self talk that we sometimes give ourselves. This conflict, at least in the early stages of trying to realize your dreams, may be the toughest fight you will face. The voices of self doubt will scream, backed up with the almost unlimited supply of ammunition of negative opinions, will discharge a constant barrage on nearly a daily basis. Allied with setbacks and apparent failures, the thoughts of those who were destined for greatness, have found their dreams crushed and now wallow in the anguish of a mediocre unfulfilled life. And the voices that once ridiculed your “dream chasing”, now poke fun at how easily you surrendered and the fact that they never saw you as a success anyway.
You must decide at this moment that if you find your gaol worthy of pursuit, that no one, not even your own thoughts will deter you from your dream.